“You are dealing with depression, and you need to take an antidepressant,” my therapist told me.
Shock. Disbelief. Discouragement. I didn’t like this diagnosis, and I didn’t want to accept the fact that I was dealing with depression. After weeks of many appointments with my therapist, I still wasn't doing well mentally, and there seemed to be no other way out but to follow the next steps from my therapist.
Before this depression diagnosis, on many occasions, I had attempted suicide through pills or wrist cutting. However, someone always interrupted me. I know now that God used those individuals to stop me from committing suicide. Praise God, I am still here to write this testimony of deliverance!
My therapist wrote the name and number of a psychiatrist on a piece of paper and handed it to me. She made me promise to call and make an appointment, as he would be the one to prescribe the medicine I needed. Very reluctantly, I did.
Upon walking into the psychiatrist’s office, I immediately knew that I was not going to be able to afford the appointments. The office was very plush, decorated with fancy furniture and expensive art on the walls. I spoke to the receptionist and asked her how much it would cost. She informed me that the fee was $100 per hour, and the medication would be an additional cost. I told her there was no way I was going to be able to pay that amount, and then the medicine. I was ready to walk out of the office, but she stopped me and guided me to a seat, assuring me that the doctor would work something out. I hesitantly stayed.
When my name was called, I entered his office and saw him sitting in a big, oversized chair. He invited me to sit in another oversized chair across from his massive desk. He introduced himself, but before he had a chance to say anything else, I interrupted him. I apologized for being there, as I didn’t have the funds to pay him and pay for the medicine. As I was about to walk out, I told him I was sorry for wasting his time. He quickly asked me to please sit and not leave. The tone of his voice was so gentle and calm, I couldn’t help but do as he asked. He asked me a few questions, which I answered. During our conversation, he said, “There is something about you.” He then told me not to worry about paying him now, but that when I was able, I could pay him later. He also told me that he was going to give me samples of the medication I needed for six months for free!
I couldn’t believe my ears! I thanked him and exited his office as quickly as I could. As I walked to my car holding my new medicine, many thoughts raced through my mind. “I am officially crazy. What’s wrong with me? Now I need this special medicine to help me get better! I’m a lost cause!”
After I got into my car, I sat for a while, just crying and crying. Then my sadness turned into anger. I was mad! I began to drive and head towards the freeway when I suddenly remembered how my dad died. He was killed when he drove into a diesel truck. I immediately made up my mind that this was the way I could do it, too. This time, no one would interrupt me to end my life. As I approached the on-ramp to the freeway, I looked for a diesel truck. It didn’t take long to spot one, and I forcefully stepped on the gas pedal to maneuver in front of the enormous truck so it would hit me. However, when I began to steer the car to the left, the steering wheel began to turn to the right. I kept pulling the steering wheel to the left with all my strength, but it kept turning to the right. In the midst of this struggle, the truck driver saw me and honked loudly as he moved into the next lane.
I was still turning the wheel to the left, but the steering wheel kept turning to the right against my strength. The car veered up onto the soft shoulder of the freeway. Dirt was flying everywhere. The truck had passed me by now, and I finally stepped on the brake and put the car in park. Then, I threw up my hands and, with tears in my eyes, I told God, “Ok! You’ve got my attention. You don’t want me to die. I give up! I surrender—I surrender!”
Looking back at that incident, I now know it was a miracle. God saved me. I know He took over the wheel that day. He saved me from the enemy, who meant me harm. Praise God!
I was later healed from the depression. I can honestly say it was all due to prayer and having an intimate, growing relationship with Jesus.
Call to Action
When life seems overwhelming, and you feel like giving up, like you can’t possibly go on anymore, you may even have a strong desire to quit—DON’T! Pray to Jesus in that moment, surrender those thoughts to Him, and ask Him to carry your burdens. He wants you to LIVE, and He has an incredible plan and purpose for you.
Open a Bible and read His powerful Words out loud. Seek help from a Christ-centered therapist, but remember that true healing comes from Jesus, so make sure to invest in a growing relationship with Him. He WILL carry you through.
God says to you:
“Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is comfortable, and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).
“Trust in [Me] with all your heart; and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge [Me}, and [I] will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).
When dealing with great difficulties and depression, remember, David said:
“I waited patiently for the Lord; and He reached down to me and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the mud; and He set my feet on a rock, making my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; many will see and fear and will trust in the Lord.”
Psalm 40:1-3
All Scripture quotations taken from the (NASB®) New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995, 2020 by The Lockman \ Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
