This is meant to be a story of hope. We all have struggles. As you read this, remember you have a Heavenly Father, and He cares for you as if you were His only child.
“Caleb, I just don’t think that’s what you should be doing. It’s not the right thing to do. That’s not how we raised you!” I admonished my son. Then I would go to bed and lie awake thinking, “What am I doing?” If my parents had spoken to me when I was 23 years old like I had talked to Caleb earlier that day, I would have been resentful, and that’s not the kind of relationship I wanted with him. I called him on his cell and apologized, “I’m so sorry, Caleb. I had no business talking to you the way I did. You’re an adult now. Will you please forgive me? I love you.” He’d quickly respond, “I know, Mom. It’s okay. I forgive you, and I love you too.” How many times did this scenario repeat itself…three, four, five? He’d always say, “It’s okay, Mom. I love you.”
Finally, I flung myself across my bed and slid to my knees on the floor, crying out, “Lord, these five precious children You blessed Tim and me with are not really ours. You loaned them to us. They belong to You. You are their Father. Thank You for the joy of having them. I realize now that they are adults, our job is to love them unconditionally, and since You are their Father, You do the disciplining. I know that You love them more than I love them, and You want their hearts fully turned toward You even more than I do. I know that I can trust You with the salvation of our children, and You have my permission to do whatever it takes to save our children.”
“But Lord,” I paused. “I really don’t want anyone to suffer…but if that is what it takes, so be it.” Then I wept, “And Lord, I really don’t want anyone to die, but if that is what it takes to save my children, You have my permission to do whatever it takes to bring their hearts fully to You. I can trust You with the lives of my children.” This became my daily attitude of prayer for my family.
One day in January of 2012, Caleb (now 25 years old) was playing his cello and reminiscing about the times he played Handel’s Messiah in a local church orchestra several years earlier. He said that it was such a highlight of cello playing, and he really missed the church no longer performing that piece. I told Caleb that I would call Skip, one of the soloists, and ask if he would come to our church and sing his solo part for special music.
Skip said he would love to sing. The date was set for April 7, the Sabbath just before Easter. So from February to April, Caleb practiced “Behold, I Tell You A Mystery” and “The Trumpet Shall Sound.” When he wasn’t practicing, the CD player was playing those songs over and over. We were so excited with anticipation to enjoy this musical presentation with Caleb playing the cello along with two violinists, a trumpet player, and Skip singing. At last, April 7 arrived, and what a wonderful, high Sabbath blessing we enjoyed!
Eleven days later, on Wednesday, April 18, I awoke to a cloudy, rainy day. I rolled out of bed onto my knees, threw my arms upward, and said, “Good morning, Jesus. I’m so excited for another space of time to live! I know it’s raining outside, but the sun is shining above the clouds. You know all about today, and nothing will happen that You are not already aware of. You will give us courage, grace, and strength to face whatever it is. Thank You for this day!”
Later that morning, I was on the computer Skyping with Keturah, Caleb’s older sister in Switzerland, asking if she had heard about the recent death of a family friend. She replied, “Yes, either life is getting more fragile, or I am becoming more aware of it. In either case, the news just kind of takes words away.” I responded, “I understand. Precious in the eyes of the Lord is the death of His saints. Scott’s next waking thought is Jesus coming in the clouds!”
Keturah said, “If death is like a sleep, and I feel so tired and spread thin, it actually doesn’t seem so bad. Don’t worry, Mom. I keep wondering what Jesus’ ‘soon’ coming means, though. I mean, really, His disciples were already saying that it would be soon. I want to believe that it will be soon, but it’s beginning to seem like the only way for it to be soon is to go to ‘sleep.’ Maybe the whole thing is figurative.”
I responded, “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint!” (Isaiah 41:3, KJV) Wow, talk about energy!”
“I know, Mom,” she said. “Thanks for the encouragement.”
A little later, Caleb came running into the computer room, and seeing his sister and brother-in-law on camera, waved excitedly to them. They spoke together briefly, and then Caleb got into his car and departed for his work at Napa. One minute later, our electricity went off. I quickly sent a text from my cell phone to Keturah’s email, telling her that our electricity had gone off and I would talk to her later. I wandered around the house trying to decide what to do next, all the time wondering what had caused the power outage.
“Hmmm,” I thought, “I’ll call Caleb. He might have passed an accident or tree down on the lines.” Reaching for my cell, I called his phone. After a third call, I realized I was hearing a buzzing in the kitchen every time I called. He had forgotten his phone on the counter when he left for work. I made a quick call to Napa, and they said Caleb had not yet arrived. I slipped his phone into my pocket and told Tim that I was going to take it to him so he would have it while delivering the auto parts. As I walked out to the driveway to get into the car, I could see flashing lights of emergency vehicles just up the road. I called to Tim, who was standing in the doorway, “Whatever it is, it’s just up the road.”
I pulled the car out of the driveway, turned left, and stopped at the barricade in the road. Up ahead, I could see a blue tarp draped over a car on its right side, with its roof against the telephone pole. Hurrying the few feet to the EMTs, I questioned, “Is that a Honda under there?”
“Yes,” they said.
“Is it a Honda Civic?” I asked again as my eyes saw a bit of the bumper of Caleb’s car.
“Yes,” they again affirmed. I said that it was my son’s car and I had to see him. “I’m sorry, we won’t let you see him. Besides, this guy worked at Napa.”
“My son works at Napa. I’m a nurse. It’s okay, I have to see him, he just left the house!” I urged.
“You are NOT going to see him. Sorry!”
I dropped to my knees in the puddles and rain. “Lord Jesus, Caleb, help him.”
At that moment, I felt a tap on my shoulder and a voice say, “I’m sorry, ma’am. He’s already gone.”
As I got back onto my feet, my mind was flooded with thoughts of my prayers, and I said, “God, I don’t understand, but I know you see the bigger picture.” From that moment, I felt a peace that I could not explain.
~
As time has passed since that day, so many things have happened to give us comfort and assurance. The Lord says:
Good people pass away;
the
godly often die before their time.
But
no one seems to care or wonder why.
No one seems to understand
that
God is protecting them from the evil to come.
For those who follow godly paths
will
rest in peace when they die.
~
Isaiah 57:1, 2 NLT
How comforting to know this! The devil can no longer tempt Caleb. The night Caleb died, while lying in bed trying to sleep, I remember telling Tim, “We still have five children. Caleb is just sleeping.” What a blessing the Lord has given us. He has laid Caleb to rest and spared him from evil to come. This is something to be excited about!
Upon awakening Sunday morning for the viewing and memorial service, Tim asked me what I was going to wear. I thought for a moment and told him, “Now that Caleb is sleeping, he will not be getting married here. He will awaken to Jesus coming to take him to the marriage ceremony and wedding feast of the Lamb.” Tim chose to wear his tux and I wore the dress that I had worn for our two daughters’ weddings.
We filled the front of the church with mementos of our faithful and fun-loving son. Caleb had always seen funeral signs that said “slow” and would say, “Man, when I die, I don’t want a slow funeral sign – I want a fast funeral!” At the funeral, they put a “slow” funeral sign with a red line through the “slow” and the word “fast” above it – another tribute to his joy and love of life.
At the memorial service, the music focused on Jesus’ second coming and the trumpet sounding, the same music from Handel’s Messiah that had so inspired our son taken from these Scriptures:
Behold,
I shew you a mystery;
We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,
In a moment,
in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump:
for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible,
and we shall be changed.
For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.
So when
this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put
on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written,
Death is swallowed up in victory.
O death,
where is thy sting?
O grave, where is thy victory?
The
sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which
giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
~
1 Corinthians 15:51-57, KJV
So many friends came to support our family at the memorial service. There were people from Caleb’s workplaces and people he had touched all over our community. There were stories of Caleb helping a lady fix her car at night and of him going out of his way to give hugs to those who needed them. One lady told of Caleb waiting on her table at a local restaurant and how he offered to have the blessing over her meal – the night before the accident. She said that Caleb had talked of Jesus coming again and had shared the words of the Bible about death being a sleep:
But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.
For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another with these words.
~ 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 NKJV
For a beautiful rendition of these words set to music, see the Fountainview Academy’s YouTube video of the Scripture song “Lest Ye Sorrow”:
Yet this is not just a story about how our friends were there for us – it is a story of how God has been there for us. How precious it is to see how the Lord had prepared us to face this trial in our lives. We realized, as never before, that the challenges in our lives are not to run over us – they are to strengthen our convictions. And yet, how much we had to pray for strength. A plaque given to us by our niece read, “Lord, grant me the patience to endure my blessings.”
Caleb introduced a song to me a few months before the accident. It is called “Blessings,” and some of the words go like this:
What if Your blessings
come through raindrops,
What if Your healing comes through tears,
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near…
What if my greatest disappointments,
Or the aching of this life,
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy…
What if trials of this life…are Your mercies in disguise?
~ Laura Story1
Every day, I pray for physical safety for my family, but most importantly, I pray for spiritual safety from Satan’s fiery snares and evil designs against us. Jesus IS coming soon. The bottom line is: He WILL come in our lifetime. Some of us may go to sleep first, but He is coming in our lifetime! He comes in everyone’s lifetime. Stay focused! We all need to have tunnel vision focused on Him, as emphasized in that old hymn:
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.
~ Helen Lemmel2
Call to Action
As I think back on the life of our precious son, I am so grateful that I can trust Jesus with his heart and life. No matter how perfect and polished an individual may appear or how rough around the edges they may be, none of us are in a position to judge the working of the Holy Spirit on another person’s character. Before Caleb’s accident, my husband and I said, “God is good.” Now we say with more conviction than before, “God is really good.”
I am also thankful for the angels God sends to protect us and to be with us every day, no matter what happens. Even though that accident took Caleb’s life from this earth, I know Caleb’s angel was with him in the car, and that his angel will be there when Jesus comes to finally take us all home together.
“Every redeemed one will understand the ministry of angels in his own life. The angel who was his guardian from his earliest moment; the angel who watched his steps, and covered his head in the day of peril; the angel who was with him in the valley of the shadow of death, who marked his resting place, who [will be] the first to greet him in the resurrection morning – what will it be to hold converse with him, and to learn the history of divine interposition in the individual life, of heavenly cooperation in every work for humanity!
“All the perplexities of life’s experience will then be made plain. Where to us have appeared only confusion and disappointment, broken purposes and thwarted plans, will be seen a grand over-ruling, victorious purpose, a divine harmony.”3
Unless noted otherwise, scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
- Laura Story. Lyrics to “Blessings.” Genius, 2011, genius.com/Laura-story-blessings-lyrics.
- Lemmel, Helen Howarth. “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus”. https://www.hymnal.net/en/hymn/h/645.
- Ellen G. White, Education (Mountain View, California: Pacific Press Publishing Association, 1903), 305
